Fear of Failure Just Means You’re Not Connected to Your True Self

One of the biggest fears we face is failure, it can cause us to hesitate when taking risks or seeking after our dreams. That's the small voice inside your head that murmurs, "What if I screw up? or “What if I suck at it?” But what if I told you, it is not failing that we are afraid of? What if it is really about being detached with your real self?

Most of the time, our fear of failing isn't really a failure, but rather what we believe that failure says about us. Image Source: The Bible of GeniusThe truth is each dollar spent on ear buds, every degree earned in college and all those votes cast each senator knows before it happens.

The Roots of Fear

From the time we are children, we are inundated with messages about success and failure. It is nurtured in a society that champions success as the holy grail and failure as the yardstick of your inadequacy. We are taught from a young age that messing up, not trying hard enough, or flat out failing may get us judged, rejected or humiliated. This is where we are shaped into thinking that any form of failure will plummet us in society.

We recognize, though, that if we dig beneath the surface of this fear, we will all uncover this sense that our very identity and value is based on success. The further from our truest desires, values and goals that we venture when looking to the outside validation of others (be they peers, parents or social structures), the bigger the disconnect between ourselves and others. We then take the next step into seeing failure not just as a threat to our successes but to our identity.

The Disconnect from the True Self

The part of you that never moves, It's really who you are in your true form outside the material world. This is your essence and it provides the base of everything you stand for, The core of who you are, formed by your interests, desires and values. Your worth is not determined by how well or bad things are going for you, when you are aligned with your authentic self. You know that you are on the right path, you feel confident with where you are at, and you trust that failure is just part of the process rather than an indicator of your value.

The fear of failure is problematic when you are separate from this authentic self as well. When you are in this state, it is much easier to rate your value on what you do or what the world thinks, or that occasional comparison with someone else. Failure may mean that you are not good or smart enough, is what you might sometimes think, and this could then hold you back from taking a chance on yourself.

And when you are out of touch with your own Self, failing becomes this massive horror because you have built an image of who you are first. When your self-worth is attached to the result of what you do, failing makes you think that you get attacked at your very core. By contrast, the traitor to whom you are pretending failure no longer frightens; it cannot lead you away or through a false sense of self because your worth is not attached to that outcome. You realize that failure is a part of learning…for you, it does not define your worth.

Reconnecting with Your True Self

So how are you going to re-connect with who you really are and take some of the power away from this fear issue that you have? It comes from the inside-out collecting new stories and exploring your relationship with failure.

Challenge Your Beliefs: Reflect on all the failure stories you've internalized. Is this real or is it a cultural or familial imprint upon the human psyche? You may have been brought up from poor systems and taught that if you fail, then you are not smart or good enough but in reality most times failure is what leads to success.

Dismantle Failure: It is not the opposite of success, it is part of it. The strongest on planet is often had a great deal of failures before they got to where they are today. One of the most powerful quotes that was made by Thomas Edison, inventor of light bulb: “I have not failed. I have not failed. I have not failed, i just found 10,000 ways that won't work. These risks are why it is safe to be open since hell, you get failure being a mantra as opposed to something equivalent that means you just suck at your job.

Hear your inner voice: the one your real self does not usually raise its head amongst the extra sound of outside anticipations, and evaluations. Mindfulness, meditation or journaling are great ways to reconnect with your true self. Here's an overview of how these practices can make you more aligned with your true desires and values. What do you truly want? What do you love to do that does not meet societal standards of approval?

Vulnerability: Fear of failure often results from a fear of vulnerability -of displaying your blemishes or disorders to the world. That makes vulnerability a strength, not a liability. Through vulnerability, you acknowledge and accept yourself as perfect just as you are. It allows you to forge deeper relationships and also chase after your goals more freely.

Authentic Goals: Reconnect with your genuine self by setting different goals, which are inspired by your values and not those of others. When your goals are genuinely on behalf of something bigger than you, the fear of failure dissolves because just the act creatively inputting outweighs not trying at all. Success is the result not the essence of your worth.

Shifting Your Perspective on Failure

See failure for what it really is a chance to become your best self. With each failure, you learn something new may be about the way that do things or your capabilities and also the gaps that you need to work on. Stop looking at failure as defeat, and look at it as a pivot— an opportunity to grow, adjust and find yourself closer to your purpose.

Take, for example, you start a business and it fails to work as envisaged. If you fail at something, refrain from calling yourself a failure and ask instead: What good came of this? What skills did I develop? How do I apply this lesson to my next idea. If you can reframe this to being a learning experience, then failure is just one step in the journey.

The Freedom in Letting Go

One of the most liberating things you can come to terms with in life is that failure is not the period at the end of your sentence. Release the addiction of living for what others will think about you and find yourself no longer shackled by the paralyzing fear of failure. You are more likely to take risks, try new things, and follow your interests because you know that whatever the outcome, your worth is not at stake.

Getting back to who you really are provides you with the strength to just fail. You start looking at it as not this scary thing that you fear, but actually part of life and part of growing. But when you are in alignment with this true form, you understand that if something comes up or there's an obstacle that appears in front of you aren't going to lose your shit because fear isn't going to be ruling the choices.

Conclusion

It is a natural part of being human to fear failure, but it does not have to get in the way. When you connect back to YOU, failures will no longer crush you every time they happen but instead transmute them in failure, as a teacher. Where you learn that your value is not based on what you accomplish or lose but on who YOU are.

If you are open to embarking on the journey of rediscovering established identity and fearlessness, then counseling or therapy can be extremely helpful. For more tools and support on this journey to self-discovery & growth visit All In The Family Counselling.